Category: Let's talk
Before I continue, I would like to make it clear that this topic does by no means have the intention to lash out at someone specific, and I would appreciate it if you could keep your contributions on topic, and in this spirrit.
Recently I got requests from people I've never even heard of, to be added to their contact list on MSN.
Generally I don't have a problem if someone ads me to his/her MSN contact list, provided I know more or less who that person is, and, if sooner or later, we would have some interest to share,
afterall, what's the point of talking to someone if you don't have anything to talk about?
So here's my question:
Do you add someone to your contact list in the spur of the moment, or do you give it some consideration.
Also, would you happily accept all requests to be added to someone else's contact list, or are you a bit more reserved?
I would love to hear your thoughts.
I don't add people easily. I prefear to get to know them first before giving my msn address.
When I first got a computer at home and learned to use messenger, I was so excited (yeh I know, I need to get a life) that I put my contact info in my profile on here. But all it took was a couple new zoners who had
never even said hello to me on the zone adding me on messenger, and I took the contact info out of my profile and told people I would probably give it to them if they are someone I know and enjoy talking to. That being said, I do usually say yes if someone asks, but I have blocked and deleted people after some time has gone by and either I discover I don't enjoy talking to them for whatever reason, or they turn out to be people who never want to talk to me on messenger. I don't like having a bunch of names on my contact list. I want the names to belong to people who I can actually talk to.
if i know someone, then yes.
if i talk to someone before, yes.
but if i'm just aded with out warning, then i don't like that
I will add people if I know them. However, if someone has added me without asking and I don't know them, They're likely to get blocked.
I, mistakenly, put my address in my profile, not ever using messenger, nor thinking I ever would. Later on, when someone on here showed me how to use it I found all these "xxx would like to add you to their contact list", and I got lots of practice blocking folks. I had never heard of most of them, and no one had asked me if it was alright.
Bob
I would prefer if people asked me first but some times I have added people without knowing them. I should block them if I don't know them. I did it once I think but kind of felt bad about it.
I add easily, to be honest. I just want to get to know people better. Anyone. I can always block them if I want.
My messenger info is not listed in my profile and never will be. I hate being added by random people I've never before spoken to. All the people currently on my contact list have had to ask directly if they can have my MSN address and add me, and I only give it to them if I've talked to them a bit and know who they are. I'm even more selective with Skype, partly because I have serious voice chat issues, and partly because talking to weirdos via typing is one thing, but actually talking to them is an entirely different ball game. And I agree with Becky...I've deleted and/or blocked people who've added me and I've come to find out have nothing whatsoever in common with me. It's annoying.
I take the same position as Ines. If you add me, I'll accept. When I first joined the zone, I was actually guilty of adding people I hadn't talked to on the zone before, but their profiles looked interesting. And you know what, I made some good friends that way. Do I do it now? no. I now know that it bothers some people. But I for one like to get to know people. And if they really annoy me or don't talk to me, I'll eventually delete and/or block them. But each to their own.
Yeah, that block and delete feature is wonderful. LOL. Sometimes you just feel like giving someone a chance, but when you find out you've made a mistake, it's easy enough to fix. Too bad we can't just block and delete some people from our lives. LOL
I prefer people asking but if I get someone that adds me at random there's that feature that block this person from seeing when I'm online.
Troy
I put my msn details in my user profile, for if someone with whom I became friends, either on here, or somewhere else, whom I have no problem with, wants it, they can have it.
However, it happened once or twice, that I've been added by total strangers "to me", people whom I've never ever heard of before.
I would think if they could, before adding me, at least send me a qn or something, informing me that they would like to add me, upon which I will usually feel comfortable with it.
If I find I've been added to someone's list whom I don't even know, I find it a bit creepy.
Before I added quite easily having been asked, but now I am not so quick to ad others unless I know them well.
yes have to agree with some of the comments posted, i used to have my contact info in my profile, after having some people adding me with out asking i removed and put please ask, i have some people in my contacts list that i never talk to so will be cleaning it up soon, so if you want to stay, well hope to hear from you soon.
As anybody who has looked at my profile will attest, I don't just leave my addy address there for all and sundry to add me as they wish. If people want to add me then all they have to do is ask. I'll usually give people a chance. As others have stated, if things don't work out then they can be easily removed again though I really don't like doing that.
Certainly though I don't like to add hundreds of people only then to every few weeks have to put up silly name tags like, 'List cleaning, message me if you want to stay'. I've nev er had to do that so I suppose that, thus far anyway, I've got my polacy about right! *LOL*
Dan.
I don't add as easily as i use to when i first installed messenger. That way, you end up with a list full of people who just message you then stop talking, or you find you just don't have anything in common with them. I'm never the one who will ask if i can add someone, and there are certain countries I don't want to add for obvious reasons. I sometimes feel that some people like to add just so they can say they have 140 people on their contact list. I prefer quality to quantity. Yeah i got quality on my skype and windows messengers, but almost everyone is off line, lol. I'm hesitant about adding people i don't know, and i don't put my man messenger details out anywhere anymore, especially here on th ezone, but if i've talked to someone a few times, and im asked, may i add you? I have a tendency to add them, because i think, well maybne they want to talk, and i can't think of a nice way to say, i don't want to add you, so i just do, then if they message more than talk, I will finally take them off my list. I agree with q's original post, after all, the point of messengers is to have people on your lists who you enjoy talking to who enjoy talking to you, and folks whom you have at least one thing, if not more in common with them.
wonderwoman
at first i'm quite ready to add zoners to my msn list as long as i know who they are. but somehow, i do reserve for now.
this because i think too many people adding other for no reason, and trying to ask some weird personal questions that i don't even thought of answering them at all, but then, don't wish to be too offencive towards them.
I don't have my messenger or skype addresses on my profile. People may ask and if I know them, i will happily let them add me. As dan says, they can easily be removed (which can happen a little bit if I simply don't connect with someone.) I use to have my msn address in my email signiture and let anyone add me but I got sick of that rather fast. so yes, I am pretty fussy about who I add.
also, I know I've said this before, but I wish msn had a request authorization feature when adding yourself to their list. great feature which fortunately all the other programs have, yet some people still use the default message Pplease add me to your contact list". on skype I don't add anyone whom I don't know, and certainly don't even consider it if they can't be bothered to write me their own authorization message. Lol
Oh, when I first got Messenger I'd add anyone almost who was vaguely interesting and who had an address to add. Unfortunately, half of these folks would want to start a conversation wwith me but apparently had nothing to say. I guess I was expected to come up with the topic and hope they would be able to contribute to it. Wrong, not this guy. Now I pretty much keep the thing off and if I'm on I communicate with people I know if I have anything to say to them.
Lol Becky, I agree with wishing we could delete and block people from our lives. I didn't have to block many people, but I don't hesitate if I have to, for example, if I realize user X on my contact list doesn't talk to me, or user Y does ask me strange questions, and user Z keeps on using the jaws-crashing-word in their name tag or in a message to me, then I will not hesitate.
Lol godsilla, don't you hate it?
person: Hi.
Rachel: Hi,
pause
person "What's up?
Rachel (sigh*) goes through the damn speal of what I've been doing.
what about you?
person Nothing much.
*grrrr
What's wrong about it? Lol
I'd never do that on the spur of the moment I like to spend time getting to know people, I suppose I'm just waiting for them to slip up and I haven't been disappointed yet.
Well I don't mind adding people to my MSN list because I believe everyone deserves some type of chance at friendship. However if and when in some point in time they begin to be some type of an annoyance or start some kind of shit with me, then there's always the block button. Which I haven't yet used, I got some pretty cool people on there so far.
Speaking of numbers, I also prefer the quality versus quantity thing.
That's probably the reason why I don't have hundreds of contacts on my msn list, but only 28.
Lol!
Oh, Rachel, I've had much worse atempts at conversation than that.
Person: hi.
me: hi, what's up?
Person: not much.
pause.
Longer pause.
I finally shut the window in disgust and eventually delete said person from contact list.
Lol yep and then they'll talk to ya out of the blue sometime later and you're thinking "now who is this?" cos I'm nice and the ones I haven't fought with, I won't necessarily block them Lol!
I can usually tell when a conversation is going to be somewhat draggy and the person really has nothing much to say, for example: other person, hi, me hi, long pause, me attempting to bring the conversation forward, how are you,other person: fine. me, so what have you been up too? other person, not much. and so it goes. No offense to the people on here about the people in some countries i don't or would rather not talk to. I won't list the countdries, because there may be some folks from those very countries. Just most ot them, ask inappropriate questions that make me really uncomfortable, and theyu usually want to get in to cultural politics, and I'm not a very culturally minded person. For this discussion, and so i don't ruffle any hairs, I'll state the countries that so are are fine to talk to, germany and greece are good people to talk to, england, new zealand, australia, mostly good, canada, mostly so so, have talked to some nice people in canada. sorry if i strayed off topic abit, but there you have it for my easy to ad and not so easy to add messenger lists.
wonderwoman
Lol WW nice to know that Australia mostly is OK! :)
I wonder if WW excluded America purposely? lol
Chris, btw, you seem to have a new MSN address as I don't see you online anymore on the one I have. Lucky you have never used your block button. I had to, a few times.
No my screen name is still the same I'm just not on there that much.
no jmbauer, I didn't exclude or go out of my way to include america, after all, it would be rather vain to say that we are the best people to talk to, and after all, I have to admit, not all americans are good to talk to either. there was a time when i would've said i'd rather talk exclusively to people in my own country, but i have talked to people in other xcountries wh oare good to talk to, so that statement wouldn't be totaly accurate.
wonderwoman
Oh right. All righty then. Just wondering.
Now, here's a surefire way to not get me to talk to you. Start your conversation with: "I'm bored." A very good friend of mine did this once and I just shut the conversation window without even a word. Besides, it was quite late and the last thing I wanted to do was have any kind of conversation with anybody. She didn't say a word about it at all, even though I know I was probably rude. Here's another way to not start a conversation. Say: "Am I disturbing you?" I knew somebody who did that all the time. Yes, I believe in being considerate, but I prefer to say "Hey, so-and-so, do you have a minute?' and not "Am I disturbing you?"
I agree with the "I'm bored" phrase being irritating as a conversation starter. I don't want someone expecting me to be the cure for their boredom. But I think asking "Am I disturbing you?" is a legitimate way to find out if a person wants to talk or not. Although, I guess if someone has signed on to messenger, that should be an indication they do want to chat.
I don't mind beeing added to someones list at all, yeah it does help if i kno where they got my addy from, but i figger that i might aswell accept them and if they get nasty or there boring ill just block.
Most of the time i ask someone before i add them unless they have posted that they are selling something (not so much here) coz me having to post to say can i add you and then them having to post to say yeah... it just takes to long and besides, in that situation, they probly wouldn't mind beeing added.
I do understand other peoples thoughts though, which is why i ask most of the time.
BEN.
godzilla and becky, you are so right about the I'm bored thing, it's like they expect us to be responsible for their boredom. or it's like, I'm bored and it's up to you to amuse me or entertain me. I don't mind being asked am i disturbing you though. I think that's just a way of making sure the person is available to talk. As i said in an earlier post, I find the best thing for me to do is just not message anyone first, read a book or something while i'm logged in, but let others message me if they want. I use to message people first,especially when messenger was brand new to me. Of course, i realize some people will say that if everyone did the way I do and nobody messages anyone first, then noone would ever message anyhone, but i find that's a better way not to get the brush off.And if i message someone and he or she is too busy multitasking to respond to me, or I end up waiting and waiting, then i can't complain, because they're well with in their rights not to answer me if they choose not to, but if i wasn't mesaginganyone to begon with, and they message me, then suddenly drop me without so much as a gotta go, and they don't come back and tell me what happened, then i have a reasonable complaint. If i've been talking to the person a lont time though, I usually know one of those unexpected emergencies came up, because they'retoo friendly and courteous to just stop responding suddenly.
wonderwoman
I never use I'm bored" immediately at the beginning, just for an excuse to have a convo. I usually start by "how are you" or something.
Yeah I hate the whole "I'm bored phrase" as a convo starter as well. Many people have done it to me. I normally start a convo by saying "Hello (so-and-so), how are you?" When someone uses the phrase "I'm bored" at the beginning of a convo, I'm thinking to myself so you have to be bored to chat with me, that makes no sense whatsoever. Every once in awhile I have the right mind to tell them "If your bored then get up off your ass and do something"
I don't like the "Am I disturbing you" question because it has the undercurrent of a person putting themselves down. It's one of those questions where you are forced to say no when you mean yes. Asking something like, "Do you have a minute" gives the person a way to opt out without feeling as if they've just hurt the other person's feelings. Besides, "Am I disturbing you" also sounds like the person is saying, "Hello, I think I'm annoying or boring even though you've never even indicated as much." It has self-loathing written all over it, and I've discovered most people who publicly put themselves down have little to no reason to at all.
It also leaves the person open to getting a very rude answer like "Yes, you are disturbing me. Go away!"
Oh, and let me add something about the whole "I'm bored" thing. If people think I can somehow save them from their boredom or they feel I am a kind of entertainment, I will have to ask them to pay me handsomely if I am to be a form of entertainment. Rates start at a hundred American dollars an hour, same rates as my free tech support services and my counselling services. LOL!
Godzilla, something tells me one has to be very careful and spend an inordinate amount of time coming up with a way to start a conversation with you that will be acceptable to you. It's kind of intimidating.
Now, if I'm not disturbing you, I'm really bored...
lol becky, godzilla-on-toast,remind me never to start a conversation with you, lolk.
wonderwoman
No it isn't. Just don't ask if you are disturbing me because you do not need to beat yourself up, and don't start the conversation by telling me your'e bored. That's all, it's not a grocery list.